Broken

I was broken. My life coach said she doesn't normally allow people to describe themselves as "Broken" but she agreed it was fitting in my case. I told her I felt like a Barbie doll with a missing leg that nobody would want to play with. 

So about a decade ago I was rockin life. I mean full on, kickin some ass - rockin life.   Everything was wonderful. And then...

I fell. 

Yep, I fell at work. For those of you who don't know about worker's comp - I recommend never falling at work. Especially if your company has more resources than you do. So while I was desperately trying to heal up from a whammy of an injury, the lawyers kept on coming. And the court dates dragged on and on...It consumed me. 

Cut to a few years later. 

I lost everything. My house, my car, all my fine treasures - sold off one by one. Waiting for my day in court. 

It never came. I'd like to tell you that I got this huge payout that left me set for life...but that wasn't how this story went down. 

Alas! There was a twist! 

I began to see what was really important in life. What really mattered. I started paying far more time to my relationships. I could see how 'money wasn't real' - an old saying that I had never really understood. But now the colors of the world started to change their hues. Or the way I saw them, at least. 

So after all the doctors and medications and endless rounds of physical therapy...I stumbled into a yoga class.  I hoped that I could take off the forty something pounds I had managed to gain in the process. 

But it was so much more!

I started to accept the present as it was. To accept myself as I was. The endless fighting of my reality was just exhausting. All I wanted was peace. I was so angry.  Angry at my work. Angry at my health. Angry at my back. My house. My car. My life. All of it. I was pissed off. 

The surgeon had told me that I needed to rehab if I wanted to walk again. Pilates he said. Pilates? Are you fuckin kidding me? I could barely get to the bathroom without a walker and you want Jane Fonda from me? Whack job!

He was right. 

I decided to split the difference and go to a yogilates class at Lifetime Fitness. You know, Pilates meets Yoga fusion class. 

I'd be a liar if I said I liked it right away. It was aweful! The whole process was so painful. But I kept on. I was determine to once again be the strong, independent woman I had always been. And I was willing to do any amount of work necessary to get there. 

It took me 18 months. 

Eighteen sweat, blood, and tears agonizing months. I'd hobble into the hot tub after every class. 

But it worked. 

I became strong. Not only of body, but of body and mind!  I had always been involved in fitness...but never like this. 

Each day I began to wake up with a feeling of overwhelming gratitude. The most simple tasks became a cause for celebration. I could walk, drive, skip and jump. And all I wanted to do was cartwheels in the grass, as I had done as a fearless kid. 

Then one day, my yogilates instructor Cindy said to me "you should consider becoming an instructor."  Instantly I knew that was what I was meant to do. 

I began my training in August 2008. Today, I own my own yoga and Pilates studio. I am a teacher trainer for people -who I hope can benefit the way I did. 

So in the end, my story is a fairytale. My dreams did come true. And I'm not angry, bitter, or scared anymore. I own my life and my future and sometimes I'm so damned happy I cry. 

And it is good. 

Namaste