Bad days. We all have them, we wake up on the wrong side of the bed in the morning and our whole entire day just seems off. It's like the domino effect, one little thing after the other, making our day feel all the more miserable. Most of the time these days start from the very moment we open our eyes, our alarm didn't go off, the cat puked all over the floor, we're out of toilet paper, we're exhausted, and all we can think about is our daunting to-do list.
I used to constantly have these days. I was living my life day-to-day just going through the motions, patiently waiting for my future filled with happiness. Every day I had something new to complain about; whether it be my job that I hated, that jerk that cut me off, the money I didn't have, how hungover I was or all that weight I had gained. I was the queen of complaining, and I despised myself for it. I knew I was a kind person, I knew I was meant for more than this. I had a kind heart but I didn't know how to use it. I could feel the people around me back off the moment I started talking, but I couldn't help it. Didn't they understand how horrible my day was? Why didn't anybody care? Can't they see that I'm struggling?
The truth is, we all struggle. Every single person you meet has dealt with something that has brought them anguish. Every single person you meet has faked a smile to avoid a heartbreaking conversation. We all are fighting our own battles and facing our own wars. We've all been there. What I came to realize after years of negativity and sadness, was that my life wasn't the problem. My life was completely normal. The real problem, was ME.
Before I had this "revelation" (if that's what you want to call it) I blamed the past for all my issues. I was angry at the world and I had no idea how to let that go. I was angry with myself for the mistakes I had made, I was confused with who I was and what I wanted in life. I hid behind my insecurities, let addiction consume me and continued to blame everybody but myself. I always told myself that things will get better once I find a new job, once I move away, once I "figure out my life." I started to accept that I was the cause of all my problems, that instead of hoping for the future I needed to accept the now. I decided that I wasn't going to let poisonous thoughts smother me anymore, and that if I really wanted help I had to search deep within myself.
To be completely honest, it was agonizing. I had to accept that all of my problems stemmed from my bad habits, from my own thoughts, from myself. I had nobody else to blame anymore. I had to face all of my fears that I hid from for so many years, and I actually had to feel everything that came into my heart. Then all of a sudden, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Life wasn't all sadness, anger or frustration. There was a part of me that wanted to smile, that wanted to appreciate sunsets and so badly wanted to love her life. All I had to do, was recognize that I was thankful for waking up that day rather than be angry that my alarm didn't go off. The secret hero within me decided to take charge, and I thank her forever and always.
Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows and we all face difficulties in our everyday lives. We don't have control of that, and we never will. It can be hard, really REALLY hard. We are not perfect, and everybody is entitled to feel angry or frustrated by things that happen to us and our loved ones. But there is a big difference between a bad day and a bad life. That difference is gratitude. What I have accepted is that life was never meant to be perfect. What I have embraced, is that nobody can save you unless you learn to save yourself. The power of positivity is real, and if we change the way we think, we can change the way we live.
"What you think, you become."
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